petermaize

Life IS a dress rehearsal

Archive for the tag “Joy”

Sunsets, talking snowmen and the rest of the universe

When I was a boy, we would spend summers at my grandmother’s house in Maryland. She lived on a river that fed the Chesapeake Bay. There were hidden coves and winding inlets that I could explore in a motorboat, and I spent hours on the river pretending I was a pirate or a commando or an explorer.

But some afternoons I preferred to sit at my grandmother’s typewriter and work on a story that I had thought up: it was about Super Pupil, a grade school superhero whose sidekick was a dog. I sent them on humorous adventures and enjoyed tapping out little stories painstakingly on the typewriter.

My grandmother was perplexed that a 10-year-old boy would want to sit inside writing instead of being outside playing. The best explanation that I could offer was that I liked to write. My early attempts at literature featured talking snowmen and goofy storylines, so it wasn’t as if I was motivated by a need to enlighten an audience. I just liked to write.

My family didn’t view my unusual hobby as the first steps toward a literary future. When my grandmother read the typewritten pages that I proudly but shyly offered her (my first reader!), she chuckled. Success! But then her comment revealed the source of her amusement.

“These typos are precious!” she laughed.

Rejection, misunderstanding and valid criticism are inevitable components of a writer’s life. Even as a journalist I was offended by the heavy-handed and arbitrary (I thought) edits of a news director. And those were just news stories: factual and straightforward. Sure, I tried to make them interesting. But the subject of those stories came from crime scenes, political conflicts or natural disasters–not my own head, and my own heart.

These days, although I can still agree with the 10-year-old and say that I like to write, there is something else that motivates me. This is true with most writers. They have to write. It is as if there is something taking place in the universe that needs to be revealed. Usually the revelation is a small one: just a glimpse of life that other people can relate to. Sometimes it’s an insight. Only occasionally is it a profound truth. We risk disapproval, disappointment and disdain in order to publish the slimmest of stories.

But even mediocre writing (been there, done that) is a reflection of a story that is constantly unfolding and needs to be told. How many sunset pictures does the world need? There’s another one every day. Some are gorgeous; most are just “nice”. But we watch the sunset and take photos, too. We participate in the event. If the sunset is particularly memorable, we share the photos with friends.

Do we have to take pictures of a sunset? Do we have to share a moment or an insight or a small reflection of the wonder and turbulence of the universe? Yes, we do.

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Don’t Skip

The natural state of a young child is joy.

At least until they get tired or come into unexpected conflict with the universe.

But even if they’ve been scolded or a toy is taken away, little kids

spontaneously revert to joy. It is their default mode. They want to be ecstatic,

and prefer to be bouncy and happy and carefree whenever possible.

They like to skip. They like to hold hands.

I don’t skip anymore.

I haven’t tried for a long time, and wonder if I could even do it. I doubt I could do it joyfully,

even if no one was watching. Why? Why can ‘t I skip with joy? Why isn’t that my default mode?

This morning I was driving to work, listening to an 80’s hair metal song (please don’t judge me),

and I was rocking out, not really caring if anyone saw a man in his mid-50’s bopping along to the chorus.

Perhaps that was a glimpse of unrestrained joy. But I think “not caring” about the reaction of others

is not the same as being in the zone of joy.

I was in the Tulsa airport a while back, when a small group of past-their-shelf-life hippies

were standing in line at the ticket counter. To pass the time, they were blowing bubbles, using the

little wands and bubble containers that little kids love. They were sending small bubbles across the

terminal and occasionally into other passengers’ clothing or hair. Some of the more stern people in the line,

who probably have never had a high opinion of hippies even when they were young, eventually told them to knock it off.

Although I didn’t hear anyone say “Hey man, don’t be so uptight,” it was clear that the hippies saw this as

a confrontation between straight-laced conformists who can’t tap their inner joy, and the peaceful love

children who were free to follow their bliss.

But blowing bubbles in a public place is not a sign of innate joy, unless you’re 4.

What would a 53-year old man do if he was truly joyful as a manner of being, not just as an occasional

fleeting feeling? Perhaps it is not surprising that my moments of greatest joy have been provided by

my own children. I have also had rare moments of joy as I experienced the work or the

grace or the love of God. But those were fleeting, too.

The Bible has 218 references to “joy”.

The one I like best comes from Matthew, when the women (not the men–I like that part, too)

come to the tomb the morning after Jesus has been executed. They are told that Jesus has been raised from the

dead and is no longer in the tomb. They left, “afraid, yet filled with joy.”

Afraid, yet filled with joy. I think I could handle that. But so often I am merely afraid.

If I rely on the world to provide my joy–to bring me prosperity and status and good health and good things,

then I will surely be afraid much of the time–anxious that I won’t get these things, or that I won’t be

able to keep them, or that you are trying to take them from me, so I must oppose you.

That’s no way to find joy.

Yet I can’t view the world the way a 4-year old child does. They are filled with joy, but they don’t recognize

the dangers the world presents to them. They are–or should be–shielded from those dangers by others.

I can no longer retreat behind that shield. I know too much. I know what the world is like, and the world isn’t interested in providing me with joy.

Also in the Book of Matthew, Jesus says that God will provide what we need. He tells us not to be anxious.

I’m trying. It’s not easy because my faith is not very strong.

If I could cast aside my fears, I think I could be joyful.

Maybe not all of the time, but joy could be my default mode. Sometimes I might be afraid, but

soon I would spontaneously revert to joy, like a child does.

I might learn how to skip.

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